Bittersweet Beginnings

Today, my middle son, Calvin, started Kindergarten and my heart was in my throat. I cried...all the way home. I told everyone I knew during the past 3 months that I couldn't wait for school to start. I thought I would be so excited to finally have both big boys in school for full days that the initial "first day of Kindergarten drop off" would be a cinch and there would be no tears from this eager momma. Little did I know how hard this day would hit me. I mean, after all, this is the second one I am sending to Kindergarten. I've done this before! But it doesn't get easier, and your heart still hurts when you walk out that door and leave them looking so small in a sea of parents and kids and florescent lights.

I said my goodbyes and walked out and loaded the twins into the van and then made the mistake of walking back in for one last look. It was the last view I would have of him, sitting so bravely in front of his name tag. My baby, the one I kept in the hospital bed with me because I wanted to watch him breath. He used to fit in my arms and his day belonged to me. Now his day belonged to his teacher, and his classmates.

So many times I have been "counting down the days til school starts" But at that moment, I would have given anything to lay in that hospital bed with him all wrapped up next to me, watching him breath and smelling in his sweetness. So in honor of "letting go", here is my baby boy, and my big boy...all in the same.